


Staring at the Stars

by minchanted



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Death, Fear of losing a loved one, Fluff, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I hate making minchan suffer so I had to do it, I promise, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Sad Ending, binchan besties, chan panics because he cant lose minho, happy minchan month, hyunho besties, minchan, minchan married, minchan soulmates, minchantober, seungbin parents, side seungbin, skz besties, soft and pain, the epilogue is more hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:20:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27251083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minchanted/pseuds/minchanted
Summary: Chan closed his eyes, the sound of rain soothing him and relaxing him as he sat on the swing at the front porch, inhaling in the scent of rain mixed with freshly cut grass as he waited for the stars to come out and thought about how he would have loved it. Chan remembered the first time he had dragged him out to the porch after it had finished raining, making him sit on the swing before plopping beside him and Chan remembered how he himself had loved it. But again, he loved everything that had to do with the man. His one true love, Lee Minho.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 14
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

If anyone asked Minho and Chan how they met, they did not have anything romantic to say. Their first encounter was at a coffee shop by their university, where Chan had ordered something extremely fancy and had taken a long time to make. By the time the barista, who went by the name Hyunjin was done with the drink, the people behind Chan were already getting annoyed. Chan was already having an extremely bad day, and as he turned around with his drink, he realized, a little too late that his shoelaces were untied, and tripped, careening into the person who was right behind him. Chan yelped as he squeezed his coffee cup and the cold liquid splashed all over the shirt of the young man standing behind him.

There was a moment of silence as Chan stared in horror at the shirt, before his eyes moved up to catch the gaze of an extremely handsome man, a man who was glaring at him. Somehow, as their gazes met, the glare dropped slightly.

“Oh god, I am so sorry.” Chan apologized as he rummaged around his bag for tissues, taking them out and dabbing on the shirt that looked expensive. However, the stain kept growing bigger, and it seemed like he was just making it worse. Everyone else in the coffee shop were just staring in disbelief and silence, as if expecting a fight to break out. Chan looked up with pleading eyes, smiling apologetically, and watched as the man’s eyes softened. The man had dark hair cut expensively and styled messily across his forehead, falling above his piercing dark eyes, sharp jawline, and a perfect nose. It had to be Chan’s luck that he had to drop coffee on the most handsome man he had ever seen in his lifetime.

The man opened his mouth and Chan closed his eyes, flinching slightly, waiting for the insult to hit him, but what he heard next caught him by surprise.

“Hyunjin, get this man the same drink and I will have an americano.”

The people behind groaned, maybe in disappointment that there was no fight or maybe because now Hyunjin would take another ten minutes to make the elaborate drink. Chan was extremely confused, and he looked up at the man who shrugged casually.

“You owe me a shirt, but you could just have a coffee date with me in compensation.” The man said.

Chan’s eyes grew wider, as words failed him, but he nodded his head and that was how Chan found himself sitting with the most handsome man he had ever seen in his lifetime who he had poured coffee all over, in the corner of a coffee shop, laughing and giggling.

 _Lee Minho._ That was what he said his name was and Lee Minho had the most beautiful laugh. Minho was a year younger than him, but was loaded with money, and he was best friends with Hyunjin, the barista. Minho said he would come to the coffee shop every day, but he never saw someone as cute as him. Something that made Chan flush. That night, Minho offered to drop Chan home, and Chan agreed, leaving with him, feeling the heat crawling up the back of his neck as Hyunjin whistled from over the counter, earning looks of disapproval from the customers.

When they reached Chan’s apartment, Minho parked the car by the side and looked like he was struggling with his words.

“I am really sorry about your shirt.” Chan said, breaking the silence.

Minho grinned at him, shaking his head, “It is really okay, I had fun.”

“Me too.” Chan agreed softly.

“I was wondering…” Minho began, trailing off before clearing his throat awkwardly, “I was wondering if I could get your number? I would love to get to know you better.”

Chan wondered if it was even possible for two people to connect this instantly over spilled coffee, as Changbin would later say, ‘No one was so lucky to end up getting a free coffee _and_ a ride home by an attractive man after pouring coffee on them.’ But Chan nodded his head, listing out his number before saving Minho’s.

“I will see you again then.” Chan said as he placed his hand on the door, opening it.

“Chan…wait.” Minho requested and as Chan turned to look at him, he felt a soft pair of lips on his, a tiny fleeting peck before it was gone.

“Sorry…” Minho said sheepishly as he pulled away, the peck ending as quickly as it began.

Chan was flustered, his heart thudding extremely fast against his chest as he smiled at the man before getting out of the car. He watched as Minho drove away, a hand coming up to touch at his lips gingerly.

A year later, on their anniversary, Chan would ask Minho what made him ask a guy who ruined his shirt, on a coffee date and Minho would guffaw and reply with a twinkle in his eyes.

“It was the dimples.”

* * *

On their second anniversary, they moved in together into a big house, with a beautiful garden and a swing out on the front porch. Minho had always wanted a swing on the porch and they would always spend the night outside, staring up at the stars and leaning against each other.

On their third-year anniversary, Minho had gotten down on his knee and asked Chan to marry him and on their fourth year, they had gotten married in front of their friends and families. Their fifth year they adopted three cats, and on their sixth year, they went on a long vacation, just two of them, leaving their babies with Changbin and Seungmin.

When they were reaching their seventh year, Minho had started losing weight rapidly, worrying Chan. Minho however, would always smile and tell Chan that he was fine. Chan knew he was not fine, there would be times Minho would just sit on the couch, panting for breath and times he would wince in pain, holding onto his sides, but whenever Minho could see Chan was looking, he would straighten up and pretend everything was alright. However just a day before their anniversary, Minho started coughing up blood and that was when Chan dragged him to the hospital to get checked. No one knew how or when it started, but that was the case with these diseases, you just wouldn't know until you receive the news one day, shattering all your dreams.

On their seventh-year anniversary, Chan got to know that Minho was suffering from stage 3 lung cancer.

That day passed by in a blur, Chan feeling way too numbed to feel any emotions. Minho had seemed to accept his fate with a tiny smile on his face while Chan…he couldn’t do it. When they went back home, Minho had tried talking to Chan, tried to make him laugh, which was so unfair. It should have been Chan comforting Minho, not the other way round but here was his husband, being there for him instead and Chan snapped.

“This…this is not fair.” Chan breathed out, his throat closing on him.

“That is life, Channie. It is okay.” Minho said, a hand on his thigh, rubbing it gently.

“No.” Chan choked out, getting up from the sofa, before pulling on his hair strands, “No, it is _not_ okay. You don’t even smoke. Why is this happening to you?” A sob hitched at the back of Chan’s throat as he struggled to breath, tears falling rapidly down his face.

A warm hand came up to caress his face, wiping the tears away before pulling him into an embrace.

“Chan it is okay, we still have a few years left.” Minho whispered soothingly, rubbing circles on his back as Chan cried, and cried, soaking up Minho’s shirt, until there were no more tears.

Minho was a fighter. Despite going through painful treatment procedures, he would always, _always_ have a smile on his face. It would always be Chan who would cry whenever he saw Minho flinch in pain, or gasp for breath but Chan promised that he would be strong, for them both.

Minho had taught Chan many things. Back on their sixth anniversary when they went on a long vacation, Minho had taken Chan to the seaside. Chan hugged his knees tightly to his chest, a smile playing on his lips as he stared at the sun set. The ocean's waves were coming forward, gently brushing against his feet. He inhaled deeply, taking in the salty, fresh breeze. He rested his chin on his knees and his smile only brightened when he felt an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him even closer.

“Can you believe that us getting together resulted in Changbin and Seungmin meeting each other and becoming a couple too?” Minho chuckled.

“Those two clearly had a thing for each other when all our friends got together.” Chan said, snuggling into Minho’s side reminiscing the day when Minho’s friends, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Felix had met his friends, Changbin, Jisung and Jeongin, and they had all gotten along well.

“Jisung was so done with Changbin just eyeing Seungmin like a lost puppy, and he actually told him to make a move before he does.” Minho snickered.

“It worked though, Changbin panicked and asked Seungmin out.” Chan smiled.

“Do you remember when _we_ first became official?” Minho asked, his voice barely drowned out by the gentle waves.

“How could I not?” Chan giggled softly, “It was right on the second date, on the parking lot of an expensive restaurant. Very romantic.” He said, an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Hey. I strongly believe that once you know someone is meant for you, then you would truly feel it. In your case, I knew you were meant for me the day I set my eyes on you, like soulmates.” Minho said, his tone filled with sincerity that it made Chan’s heart bloom with warmth.

“You are so cheesy.” Chan chuckled, “But yes, I remember that. I remember you saying you wanted me to be your boyfriend.”

“Do you remember what we did that night?” Minho asked, smirking at the older man, whose ears had reddened.

“No, I don’t.” Chan murmured.

“Oh, so you don’t remember us kissing and making out and me taking you to my room and pressing you against my bed while I- “

“Minho, stop.” Chan interrupted, gripping onto Minho’s hand tightly.

“You are seriously the cutest being I had ever met.” Minho sighed, intertwining their fingers together. “But that night, was so precious to me, especially when I woke up the next morning, and saw the sunlight shining on your face, highlighting your features and making you look _ethereal._ And you kept smiling in your sleep, your dimples making an appearance often. _”_ Minho paused, his voice expressing a mixture of nostalgia and love, “I knew then, that I loved you.”

“And you told me that.” Chan said, leaning against Minho.

“Yes, and you just upped and bolted.” Minho replied.

“Hey. I was scared and it was all too fast for me.” Chan defended himself, his tone filled with guilt.

“You came back though.” Minho smiled. “It took you a week, but you still came back.”

_Chan remembered that night clearly. He had been so conflicted and was struggling the whole week and his friends, Changbin, Jisung and Jeongin had tried to advise him._

_“You clearly care about him if you are this conflicted.” Jeongin had mentioned._

_Jisung had agreed saying that if Chan were not interested, he would have just ignored and maybe he should give Minho a chance._

_Changbin had told him that sometimes it really just takes one day for a person to fall in love while sometimes the person never ends up loving the other person. Chan was frustrated, but mostly with himself. He knew that what he was feeling for the other man was more than just infatuation, that it was too intense. It scared him. It was a weird foreign feeling, and he missed Minho terribly. And he realized that maybe he was in love. Chan mustered up his guts and rushed over to Minho’s place. He remembered how surprised Minho had looked as he opened the door and how Chan stepped in and started blabbering about how he was scared._

_“I would fuck up the relationship and you would hate me.” Chan blathered._

_“I would never hate you, Chan.” Minho answered back._

_“That is what everyone says, but once I fuck up, you will hate me and I am scared by my feelings for you, and how quickly I caught them feels for you.” Chan said, wringing his hands around._

_Minho had stared at him, before closing the distance between them and kissing him, easing his worries away, pouring in unspoken words that he would always be there to catch Chan._

_As Chan broke away from the kiss, he looked up at Minho, and he just knew._

_“I love you, Minho.”_

_And he meant it._

Minho taught Chan how to love, and also to never give up on his dreams.

When they had first started dating, Minho had learnt about Chan’s passion and dreams of becoming a producer and Minho had been his number one supporter and fan from the beginning. When they moved in together, Minho bore all the expenses so that Chan could focus fully on his classes and intense trainings. There were times Chan wanted to give up, the dream seeming more like a dream than a reality but Minho was always there to cheer him on. Minho had been there to catch Chan whenever he fell, to lift him up and motivate him until one day Chan received a letter asking him to join their company as a producer.

_“I told you, you would make it!” Minho exclaimed excitedly as he twirled Chan around in their living room. “Isn’t he just the most amazing?” The younger man yelled proudly in front of all their smiling friends._

_Chan felt his eyes burning with tears, mostly because of how much faith Minho had in him, how happy Minho had looked, and he felt his boyfriend press his forehead against his, holding him closely as Chan felt the burning heat of a tear sliding down his cheek as he whispered in Minho’s ear._

_“Thank you for never giving up on me.”_

* * *

“Chan, you have to give up on me.” Minho whispered hoarsely.

“Never.” Chan insisted as he gently guided Minho to the shower and washed him down.

“Chan… the day is coming soon, and I am worried about you.” Minho coughed out weakly.

Minho was a fighter, and five years had passed by since they got news of the cancer. Even the doctors were amazed at how much of a fighter Minho was. And Chan was so proud. Minho never stopped working despite his illness, never showed his weakness out and would always be doing something to make the others happy. Minho even used his wealth to start a charity organization, helping those who had cancer and were in need. He would constantly take Chan out to places, living his life with the man he loves, like each day was the last day.

However, the fifth year, the cancer came back full force, wiping Minho’s energy away. But Chan was stubborn, and he could never give up. He had quit his job a few months back, but his company had been very understanding or maybe it was because Chan had been extremely hardworking, but they told Chan to take a break and come back whenever he wanted to.

Their friends had come over one day, and Chan hurried all over their apartment, trying to be a good host, and cooking up dishes until he felt an arm on his shoulder. He turned around to see Changbin staring at him worriedly. Chan knew Minho was alright, he could hear his weak laughter all the way from the living room to the kitchen.

“Channie…” Changbin trailed off and Chan stared at him, pleading with his eyes to not tell him what he knew Changbin was going to say.

“Don’t say it Changbin.” Chan stated as he tried to set the table.

“He is really worried about you.” Changbin said softly.

Chan scoffed, looking up at him with panic-stricken eyes, “The last time I checked, the one that was dying was _him_ and not me so I should be the one worrying.”

“I think it is time you start accepting the reality.” Changbin said gently.

Chan nudged him away, as he placed the plates down. "Just mind your own business, Bin".

“You are my best friend which means _you_ are my business and I want to help you.”

“If you want to help me so badly, then call everyone and tell them dinner is ready.” Chan muttered, not looking up, not wanting to accept the reality.

Chan heard Changbin sigh deeply before the man turned around and left.

* * *

Minho’s health deteriorated rapidly after that and Chan had to admit him into a hospital, despite Minho telling him not to. Minho spent a week at the hospital and Chan stayed by him through each and every day, hardly sleeping and taking care of him.

One day, the doctor had come out and spoken to him solemnly, “There is no hope, he is on the final stage and it is either him dying here, fighting till the end with painful treatments that could probably give him one or two more days more, or him going back home.”

A constrictive sheath wrapped around Chan’s heart as he heard those words, his throat dry as he entered Minho’s room.

Minho was siting up on his bed, but he looked _so weak,_ and he was no longer smiling.

“Channie.” Minho began, his voice so small, it was hardly audible. “I want to go home.”

“No Minho listen, you need to stay here, and the doctors will find something, they always end up finding something and they can save you.” Chan knew he was just blabbering at this point, but he couldn’t give up, he couldn’t let Minho give up, not _now._ They came so far.

“Chan, please listen.” Minho continued weakly.

“You listen, I _can’t_ let you go. We can’t stop now. I will stay by your side till the end and we will fight together.” Chan said, desperation so prominent in his tone.

“Channie….” Minho tried again.

“The doctors will know what to do Minh-“

“No Chan. This is enough.” Minho snapped at him which sounded far more aggressive in his hoarse voice. “Just listen to me for fuck’s sake.” His chest was heaving up and down as he struggled to breathe and to Chan’s dismay, he watched as his husband, for the first time, burst out in sobs.

Minho never cried, he teared up at times, and he had cried silently when they had exchanged vows and when they adopted their first cat together but even through his harsh, painful treatments, Minho never cried. But now Minho was shaking, the sobs wrecking through his chest painfully and Chan hurried to him, embracing him.

“You know…I am not even crying for me. I am crying because I don’t know how to help you once I am gone.” Minho whispered, his voice cracking with the effort. “I want to spend my last few days with you Channie. With you, with my cats, in our house.” He said as he broke away from the embrace, a hand caressing Chan’s cheek, “I don’t want to die in a freaking hospital bed.”

“B-but you told me to not give up, Minho. You told me you will be okay.” Chan took in a stuttering breath, “How… How can I let you go?”

“I don’t want you to give up on yourself. You have many more years ahead of you Channie.” Minho breathed out, “But please, you need to let me go. It hurts too much.”

Chan closed his eyes, feeling the tears run down his face as he struggled to take in a breath, wanting to be strong for the man who had always held him up when he was falling.

That day Minho got discharged from the hospital and Chan brought him back home in the wheelchair. The spark that had disappeared from Minho’s eyes during his time in the hospital had come back as he entered his house, and his beloved cats came scurrying to him. Chan watched as Minho stroked them gently, playing with them before looking up and staring at Chan, mouthing a thank you.

The next day started off on a happier note, with their friends coming over. It was funny, how they were all in their early twenties when they met first, but a dozen years had passed by and now they were all in their thirties and have all grown up.

Seungmin and Changbin were planning to adopt a child together and were waiting for the approval. So, there was some good news for the group. Meanwhile, Jeongin had started his own school in Busan, Felix had his own accredited restaurant and was a renowned chef. While Hyunjin and Jisung have started their own business of wedding photography and it had taken off extremely well.

They laughed, ate and drank fruit juice together, while teasing Hyunjin and Jisung that they should probably start dating each other, making them shy in the process. Chan noticed how Minho would look so relaxed and happy, despite the internal pain he was going through, and he was so proud of him. His husband was a fighter.

However, as the day slowly came to an end, everyone became somber, a more tense atmosphere taking over them. It was Felix who broke down first, moving over to where Minho was slumped on the couch, and hugging him tightly. Minho patted him on the back gently, whispering it was going to be okay. The rest of the group moved closer to him, and soon they were all taking turns hugging him, trying to plaster a smile on their face. But how could they not break when they know this would be the last time, they would be seeing their best friend.

Chan stood at the side, watching them, trying to stay strong as he bit hard on his lips.

“We need a group hug.” Hyunjin said, with a watery smile. Minho turned to look at Chan and the older man knew what he wanted. He quickly went to their room and got out the plastic bag filled with gifts that Minho had prepared for them. Chan carried it out and moved closer to Minho, stretching out a hand for him to hold on to as he pulled him up and allowed him to lean on him.

“I actually have a few gifts and letters for you.” Minho grinned as he held onto Chan.

Chan reached into the bag and gave them out, according to the names written on it as the others accepted it gloomily.

“Don’t open it now.” Minho said, gesturing at the letters. “Open it when…you know.”

They knew what he meant, and that was enough for the tears to come out as they moved in closer and engulfed Minho in a group hug.

“We love you, man.” Hyunjin whispered, his voice breaking as he looked at Minho and ruffled his hair up.

“I love you all too.” Minho smiled as he sat down on the couch. The others then went down on a more nostalgic path, reminiscing all their memorable times with Minho together.

“Oh god Minho, remember the time Hyunjin pissed you off and you stuffed tissue down his mouth.” Felix said, snickering out loud.

“He deserved it.” Minho said, chuckling evilly.

“For me, I remember the time Minho went back home after dropping Chan off when he met him first.” Hyunjin started, smiling fondly, “And he called me up immediately and told me, ‘Hyunjin…help, I think…no I know, I gave my heart away.’ It was the first time I heard Minho sound so…happy and sure.”

Chan felt his heart clench at those words, the blurring of his vision was disorienting, and his throat hurt when he tried to swallow.

“Oh, and that time when Chan ran away because Mr. Romeo confessed his love on the second date…remember how Minho had said that Chan would come back? He was too confident.” Seungmin said, grinning at his friend.

“Wow, it seemed like yesterday, all this happened.” Jisung began, shaking his head, “I can’t believe so many years passed by.”

“Here is to Minho and Chan, two most beautiful and strongest people I have ever met.” Jeongin whispered, lifting his glass up as others followed.

Chan started cleaning up, giving the others some time to spend with Minho. One by one, they all hugged him again, and left, with a heavy heart. Hyunjin was the last one to leave and Chan knew it was hard for him, knowing he was never going to see his best friend again.

As he wiped down the dishes, he heard Minho tell Hyunjin, "I am so scared for him, this is going to affect him badly and I know he is strong and he will overcome this, but the process is going to be extremely painful for him."

"It is going to be painful, Minho...but don't worry we won't let him go through that alone." Hyunjin sighed, pain prominent in his tone. "I will miss you so much."

"I will miss you too, I am sorry if I ever been a mean friend to you." Minho apologized.

Hyunjin laughed at that, "Please, you were never a mean friend, you are the bestest friend I could ever ask for."

Then, Hyunjin too was gone after giving Chan a tight hug and whispering that he was strong, and Chan was left with Minho again. He went out to living room after he was done cleaning and raised an eyebrow at him.

“I am so happy, Channie.” Minho breathed out, his eyes swimming with tears.

Chan smiled at him, before guiding him slowly to the bedroom. That night Chan held onto Minho tightly as they fell asleep in each other’s embraces.

The next day was the same routine, Minho would feed his cats, and spend time with them before Chan joined him on the porch swing, and they would just talk and laugh.

Chan sighed peacefully as the stars appeared on the night sky, shining brighter than ever. "Aren't they just beautiful." He whispered.

"They really are." Minho agreed but he was looking at Chan instead and he reached out to pinch at his cheek, poking at the dimples, "Ah, I will miss these."

Chan turned to look at Minho, the smile fading away as he saw Minho's expression. There was sadness deeply rooted in his eyes, like he was trying to hide it from him, but Chan knew Minho too well.

“Channie…” Minho said seriously looking at him and Chan already knew what he was going to say. “Promise me something. Promise me you would continue living, that you would go back to work, continue producing, continue living your life.”

Chan rubbed his nose as he remained silent.

Minho sighed before continuing, “You are also still young, so please find someone else to love once I am gone.”

At this Chan felt the rage souring through his body as he got up, “Are you done with me? Is that what this is?”

“Channie…” Minho began softly.

“No, Minho _you_ listen to me right now, nothing in this world could make me fall for someone other than you, and you need to respect that.” He could feel the tears running down and he angrily wiped them away. "I am so angry, Minho, _so angry._ Why did it have to be you? You were nothing but nice, but why did this happen to you? What did we do to deserve this?"

“I don’t want you to be lonely.” Minho said wearily.

“I will be fine.”

“Okay, but please this is my dying wish Channie, promise me you would live your life to the fullest? For us both.” Minho held his gaze, pleading him silently.

Chan nodded after a while, “I promise.”

Minho then picked up a bag by his side, handing it over to Chan.

“This is for you.”

That night as Minho held Chan close to him, Chan spoke up.

“Minho, remember our wedding day?”

Minho chuckled softly, “Yes of course.”

“A few minutes before the wedding, you got called into my room.” Chan stated.

Minho nodded, “Yeah I thought you got the cold feet and ran away.” He said as he ran his fingers gently through Chan’s soft dark tresses. “But then, Hyunjin came up to me, telling me that you were terrified and so I had to come to you.”

“I am glad you did.” Chan sighed.

_It was their wedding day and Chan was supposed to walk down the aisle any moment soon, go to where the love of his life was waiting for him, but suddenly Chan couldn’t breathe and he sat down on the stool, pulling at his tie, willing for oxygen to enter his system. Changbin was thankfully there and he had tried to make Chan breathe along with him._

_“Hey Chan, it is going to be okay.”_

_Chan took in a deep shaky breath as he held onto Changbin’s hand, digging his nails in, “Binnie…I love him…I love him more than I thought I could love anybody.”_

_Changbin replied in a soft soothing voice, “He loves you too Channie.”_

_Chan shook his head as he clutched onto his heart, “I am just really terrified. I love him so much, what if I lose him one day? What if he leaves before, I do? What will I do? How could I live a life without him in it?” He finished as he felt sobs wrecking through his body and he knew he shouldn’t cry; the makeup will get ruined and Minho would know. He felt Changbin dabbing at his eyes gently, wiping away the tears before they fell._

_“Channie, fear of losing someone is completely valid, especially when it is someone you love, but don't let that scare you away.”_

_“I don’t think I can do this Binnie; I can’t lose him.”_

_There was a gentle knock on the door, and Changbin stood up, heading over to the door, opening it to see Minho standing there._

_Minho had a quick hushed conversation with Changbin who nodded his head before stepping outside, shutting the door._

_“Minho…” Chan choked as he got up, running into his open arms._

_“Channie…” Minho began as he engulfed Chan in a warm hug, “Don’t think about lose right now. We should enjoy the life we have with each other as long as we could without this thought lingering upon us. When the day comes, it will be hard of course, and it would never get easier but time will always heal and you will find little moments that would remind us of each other and we will always have a piece of each other and will hold on to that tight.” Minho held Chan close to him, kissing the top of his head as he continued, “It would be like I am still there with you, even though I am gone.”_

_That managed to calm Chan down as he broke away, Minho smiling at him while wiping his tears away. The wedding was then back on and Chan saw the look of love and admiration in Minho’s eyes as he walked down to him._

“Never expected my worst fear to come true.” Chan sighed as Minho continued to run his hands through Chan's hair, massaging his head softly.

“I would always be with you Chan, even if I am gone.” Minho said softly.

“You know, I feel bad that you are always taking care of me even though I am older than you.” Chan laughed, raising his head, and looking down at Minho.

Minho mustered up all his strength and flipped them around, so he was hovering over Chan. “That is because you will always be my baby.” He laughed as he kissed Chan’s lips softly.

Chan smiled against his lips, “Ew.”

Minho laughed out loudly, the sound resonating across the room, and Minho’s laugh had always been contagious. Minho ceased his laugh to lean down and capture Chan’s lips again, kissing him softly. The kiss then became intense, as Minho brought his hand up, caressing Chan’s face gently, pouring all his emotions and kissing him desperately, like it was their last kiss. Minho broke away, looking down at Chan, and tracing his thumb all over the contours of his face, trying to memorize him so that he could remember him even in the afterlife.

“I love you so much, Channie.” Minho breathed out, kissing him again, and again like he would cease to exist if he stopped kissing him.

Chan held on to the younger man tightly, “I love you so much Minho, I love you.”

Minho lied down on the bed next to Chan, pulling him in closer and throwing his arms and legs around him.

"Remember the time I bought you flowers and you were panicking over them?" Minho chuckled softly.

"I love to keep gifts with me forever, and flowers tend to die." Chan muttered as he fiddled with the button on Minho's shirt.

"Yes, and I told you that once a flower dies, you could still keep it by drying it and placing it between a book or something." Minho hummed.

"And, I did that...Can you believe I still have those flowers? It had been what? Twelve years?" Chan said, wonder in his tone.

"See, that's what I meant. Just because something is gone, doesn't mean it is gone, there would always be a way to hold on to the remnants or moments so you would have them forever with you." Minho announced, a finger coming up to brush against Chan's nose gently. "Once I am gone, you could just look up at the stars, and I will be there." He sighed.

“But, how am I going to live without you Minho?” Chan whispered feebly.

“You are so strong; you could do this. And, you never know… after you have finished living your life for the next hundred years and join me, maybe we will be reborn as Chan and Minho, the idiots who fell in love over spilled coffee again.”

Chan giggled, “You always had the most unrealistic hopes.” He said, smacking the man on his chest playfully.

“Hey they aren’t unrealistic!” Minho exclaimed as he poked Chan on his ribs, making the man yelp.

"Do you have any regrets, Minho?" Chan asked.

"Other than not getting to spend more years with you?" Minho answered, shaking his head, "Nope, I have everything I ever wanted and more with me right here." He finished, looking at Chan with utmost sincerity and love.

They spoke until the sun was rising before Minho stated he was feeling tired and wanted to sleep. Chan was about to switch the light off, but Minho stopped him.

“I want to see you properly as long as I could, until I drift away.” Minho said, a sad smile lingering on his face.

Chan scrunched his nose at him, but he allowed the lights to be on as he went into Minho’s embrace again, holding him tightly as he fell asleep.

Chan woke up slowly, rubbing his eyes gingerly as he tried to break away from Minho’s embrace. It was hard. Chan patted Minho’s arms, “Wake up sleeping beauty.” He murmured groggily.

There was no movement or sound. Chan could feel a weird sensation crawling all over his body, his heart sinking low.

“Minho?” Chan patted him again, before struggling and breaking away from his embrace. Minho looked like he was in a deep slumber, but Chan knew better.

Chan felt nothing. He wished he could feel something, anything other than this numbness that had taken over his body. There was no way Minho was gone. No way. They were supposed to grow old together and die together. Not this. The reluctance of acceptance was suffocating him, and he felt a lump form at the back of his throat. A sudden rush of raw emotion flooded his face as he slowly tried to put everything together. The pressure that was building up in his nose and throat was nauseating. He couldn't breathe and the one man who was always able to hug him and reassure him was gone, and he wished he were the one dead instead.

All the pain vanished as he turned and looked at Minho again, lying peacefully on the bed, looking like he was deep at sleep and for the first time in many years, Minho didn’t look like he was in pain.

Chan reached out for his phone, calling up Changbin, waiting for the man to pick up before saying in a surprisingly calm voice, “Binnie, it is time.”

Chan cut the call before climbing into the bed, and nestling up Minho’s side, resting his face on his chest. He could no longer feel the familiar rising of Minho’s chest, but it was still his Minho. He took in deep breaths, as emotions slowly flood through him, and he closed his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep as well.

He just lost the most important person in his life, and nothing else mattered anymore.

* * *

Chan was woken up by strong hands, and he could hear sobbing coming from the side. He opened his eyes wearily and saw Changbin pulling him up and he scrambled on the bed, holding onto Minho.

“Chan…you need to let go.” Changbin said softly, and Chan remembered what Minho told him last night and he felt his fingers give and the medics were here, taking him away, his husband, the love of his life away and Chan was starting to collapse as Changbin held him up.

“No…Binnie tell them to not take him away.” He whispered hoarsely, falling apart, his lips too dry to form coherent words.

“Channie…” Changbin couldn’t continue as he was crying, and it was all hitting him again. He saw Hyunjin standing by the medics and he saw Minho again before he was taken away from the room.

Minho was gone.

Chan finally gave in to the emotions that were threatening to break out and he could hear wails of agony that were like daggers to his heart. It took him a moment to realize those screams were coming from him as he thrashed around in Changbin’s arms. Life was unfair.

The first few weeks were a blur, and Chan had to make the arrangements for the funeral. He felt so numb, not being able to cry anymore. He sent Minho off and returned back to the house that was devoid of the warmth it usually held.

Chan went back to their room, walking around like a ghost, trying to hold on to whatever little thing he could grab on that reminded him of Minho. He saw the bag Minho had given him and picked it up. Inside was a box, and a letter.

Chan opened up the box to see a beautiful long gold chain, with a glass pendant. Inside the pendent was the pattern of an ocean and Chan stared at it in awe, feeling some sort of peace take over his body. He then opened the letter and felt himself choking on tears as the familiar sight of Minho’s neat handwriting hit him.

It took him several attempts to go past the first sentence in the letter. He had to stop every time because his vision would be blurred with tears and he didn’t want a single drop on them. It was the one thing he would hold on to forever. Chan carefully picked up the letter and began reading.

_Channie baby!_

_  
I know the gift isn’t much, but I know how much you love the ocean and I loved bringing you to the ocean. If you are reading this, that means, I would no longer be able to take you there, so I decided to bring the ocean to you. Hehehe. Hope you liked it._

_Anyways, Channie, you have been a huge part of my life, and my biggest regret is not meeting you sooner or how time was cruel, and the years were snatched away from us. But I loved whatever time I spent with you. One thing I am grateful for was how quickly I fell in love with you, I feel like we didn’t waste any time in that. Channie…you taught me so much. You taught me what was love, you showed me how a home felt like, and you made me grow into a better person. Before I met you Chan, I was actually lost, I didn’t know what I was living for, but you gave me a purpose._

_Oh Channie, I am also so proud of you. Look at you, my husband, the most talented producer (I hope you get back to work, I know how much you loved composing and producing and you should really head back to it). Watching you work hard and be so passionate about something was so inspiring and you really did well._

_You are a fighter Chan, a stronger fighter than me. I would have given up all those years back if it weren’t for you and your drive. I wanted to live, for you, for us. However, I could feel my time coming to an end. I could feel my body shutting down on me and I am terrified. But more than the fear of death, I am terrified over what you would do. I know Chan, you are extremely strong and yes, the first few months are going to be so hard, but you could overcome it, I know you can. I just have this habit of always trying my best to be there for you and it hurts and scares me that I wouldn’t be there when you would be going through the most painful moment of your life._

_I know I was being unfair when I told you to find someone to love and I know it is stupid to ask you not to cry or miss me because you would. I would never make you promise that, but I need you to live your life. You have such a bright future ahead of you, my shining gem and my regret is that I wouldn’t be there cheering for you in a physical form, but I would always be there, in spirit. Look at you Channie, how far you have come, I am sorry I fell sick and placed a burden on you. I know my time here is short, but I have no regrets. Having you in my life was more than anything I ever wanted._

_I love you, so much, more than anything in this world. Thank you for everything Channie._

_PS: I still believe that in our next lives, we will be reborn as Chan and Minho the hopeless idiots who fell in love over spilled coffee._

_I will always be with you, forever and always._

_Your loving husband and the adoring father of three cats,_

_Lee Minho._

* * *

A few months had passed by since Minho left him, and Chan tried his best to cope, the only thing keeping him going were the cats, and the words Minho had left him behind with. He had to live, for them both, fill up the pages of their story for them both. Every morning Chan would wake up, read the letter all over again, before putting it away carefully in an envelope. Every night, Chan would sit out on the porch swing by himself, waiting for the stars to appear so that he would not feel lonely for the time being. Grief worked in different ways, and for Chan, he would feel anger coursing through his veins some days, and then the what ifs would play in his mind, followed by him feeling nothing at all, just the empty hole in his heart, gaping wide open. Somedays he would be in denial, expecting Minho to walk through the doors any time soon, with his beautiful smile and loud laugh. Chan could never reach acceptance.

Staring at the ghostly image in the mirror, Chan failed to recognize himself at all. His dimples, the ones that had captivated Minho, had disappeared as Chan forgot how to smile. All he could see were a pair of lifeless dark pits of nothingness staring back at him. His nights consisted of him sleeping on the couch, not wanting to spend the nights on the bed that he had shared with his husband, alone. The empty hole in his heart was gaping open and nothing Chan did could help mend it. There were moments Chan would slip in denial and would feel the flush of rage over him as he would break something. Towards the night, Chan would just crawl on to couch and stare off into space.

His friends visited every day, making sure he ate, and showered, and would only leave during the night, sometimes even staying there with him. Changbin even suggested to Chan that he should move in with them, but Chan turned them down, wanting to stay in the house that his husband wanted to spend his last days in. Chan couldn’t find his voice anymore and he knew he should go back to work, who were all willing to accept him back, but he no longer felt anything.

Three months passed when Changbin and Seungmin had come over to his place. Chan took a seat as they sat on the couch.

“Channie… how are you?” Changbin asked, his voice filled with raw emotion that still lurked within.

“I am surviving.” Chan laughed softly.

"No really, how are you?" Changbin repeated as Chan looked away sadly.

"There are days I just want to give up, and follow him. Days when I feel so much anger, at him too, even if it is not his fault for leaving me. I can't even explain it. Some days I am in such strong denial like he never left." Chan whispered, feeling his throat close on him.

"It is totally understandable...people deal with grief in different ways Chan, and feel free to take all the time you need to heal. Don't be hard on yourself." Changbin advised gently.

Seungmin nodded his head sadly before clearing his throat. “We have some news for you.”

Chan looked at them, his eyes flickering between them two.

“Chan… we got the approval; we are going to adopt a three-year-old boy.” Changbin announced, a smile making its way on his face.

Chan stared at them, the words going in slowly as he tried to process what they just said. After so long, Chan felt his heart warming up, genuine happiness flooding in as he jumped up from his seat and rushed to them, pulling them both into a hug.

“I am so, _so happy_.” Chan said, his tone genuine and he found tears welling up in his eyes again, but this time, out of happiness.

“And Channie…” Seungmin continued, glancing at Changbin before looking back at Chan, “We both spoke about it and we want you to be the godfather.”

Chan stared at them speechless, words failing him, before he felt arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace. “No one would be more suitable than you, to take care of our little Minho.” Changbin whispered.

And Chan broke down. All the tears he had kept in after the day Minho was taken away from him, came flooding down his cheeks and he crumbled once again in Changbin’s arms as Seungmin patted his back gently.

* * *

Chan was now seventy as he closed his eyes, the sound of rain soothing and relaxing him as he sat on the swing at the front porch, inhaling in the scent of rain mixed with freshly cut grass as he waited for the stars to come out and thought about how _he_ would have loved it. Chan remembered the first time _he_ had dragged him out to the porch after it had finished raining, making him sit on the swing before plopping beside him and Chan remembered how he had loved it too. Chan still remembered his one true love, Lee Minho. Old age was catching up with him and he knew his time was coming to an end. 

Chan had done everything he had wanted to in life and had kept his promise. After Changbin and Seungmin had left delivering the news, something within Chan was ignited and he was given a reason to live again. He had to live for Minho as well as for himself. The process was extremely hard but Minho's words kept playing over and over in his mind.

_You are strong._

It was difficult, to continue living when the person you loved the most was not there, and every day Chan woke up with a heavy heart, read the letter Minho left him, played around with his cats and continued about his day. His friends never allowed him to go through the pain alone, and was always there for him, holding him up. But there would be days when Chan would just allow himself to break and cry, sobbing over the loss of his loved one, but he learned to get back up on his feet.

And things got easier when Changbin and Seungmin brought their child back home. Now, he had a little Minho to spoil and care for. Chan had gone back to work gradually, immersing himself in composing and producing and coming out with excellent results, winning several awards. He would always go over to Changbin and Seungmin’s place where he would pamper his godchild and give advices. He had watched little Minho grow up well, had been with him through all the stages of his life, from a baby to a smart child to an angsty teenager and to a beautiful adult who gradually fell in love with his classmate.

The day before the marriage, Minho had burst down crying, saying that he loved his future wife so much and didn’t know what he was going to do if she ever left before him. Chan smiled, pulling the man into a warm hug before repeating the words his very own Minho had told him, many years ago.

Minho was always right, time did heal, but time never made him forget. Chan lived with the memories of Minho embedded deep in him. 

Chan kept his promise, he lived his life. Night fell upon him and he inhaled deeply as he started talking, staring up at the stars, hoping that Minho could hear him.

“I think it is time for me to join you, my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so ahhhh If you know me, you would know I hate sad endings, or deaths but I wrote this for a friend to whom I promised a fic with angst, Chan suffering and no smut (cries). And also I had been in a really sad phase this month due to many issues so I apologise for this. This is my first time attempting something with death involved and I personally hated it :(. But, I hope my friend is not too disappointed by this hehe.  
> Anyways to start off, the story begins from the summary which is of Chan when he was seventy, thinking about his time with Minho because he knew his own time was coming to an end so from there it went to how they first met, and to the horrible disease that shattered them.  
> This was really hard for me to write because cancer had taken away people closest to me and I just want to let you know that I am here if anyone wants to talk or rant. I also hate and fear losing the ones I love. Time does heal, but it never makes you forget. I understand if people won't read this because lets be honest, I would stay away from a fic that says major character death too. But since I am too whipped for minchan and cant let them be sad, the epilogue is more...hopeful? Also, this would be my last time writing a death fic or sad endings because I love me some angst with happy endings.  
> If you do read this, feel free to leave me a comment, or find me on twitter @dimpleechan (i had many problems with my past accounts it was sad).


	2. Epilogue

Everything was going wrong for Chan. He was having one of the worst days of his life. First, the bus arrived late, second, he didn’t bring in his assignment and was scolded by his lecturer, thirdly, all his friends were busy and couldn’t come with him to get a cup of coffee. So, Chan headed over to the coffee shop near their university, by himself. The barista was an attractive blonde and Chan decided to order something extremely fancy, to treat himself as he had the worst day. The barista groaned as he took the order but headed towards the back to make it. By the time the blonde was done, the people behind him were annoyed. Chan picked his drink up and turned around, realizing a little too late that his shoelaces were untied, and tripped, careening into the person who was right behind him. Chan yelped as he squeezed his coffee cup and the cold liquid splashed all over the shirt of the young man standing behind him.

There was a moment of silence as Chan stared in horror at the shirt, before his eyes moved up to catch the gaze of an extremely handsome man, a man who was glaring at him. Somehow, as their gazes met, the glare dropped slightly.

“Oh god, I am so sorry.” Chan apologized as he rummaged around his bag for tissues, taking them out and dabbing on the shirt that looked expensive. However, the stain kept growing bigger, and it seemed like he was just making it worse. Everyone else in the coffee shop were just staring in disbelief and silence, as if expecting a fight to break out. Chan’s eyes flickered everywhere desperately looking for a solution, or for means to escape, before looking up at the man with pleading eyes, smiling apologetically, and watched as the man’s eyes softened. The man had dark hair cut expensively and styled messily across his forehead, falling above his piercing dark eyes, sharp jawline, and a perfect nose. It had to be Chan’s luck that he had to drop coffee on the most handsome man he had ever seen in his lifetime.

The man opened his mouth and Chan closed his eyes, flinching slightly, waiting for the insult to hit him, but what he heard next caught him by surprise.

“Hyunjin, get this man the same drink and I will have an americano.”

The people behind groaned, maybe in disappointment that there was no fight or maybe because now Hyunjin would take another ten minutes to make the elaborate drink. Chan was extremely confused, and he looked up at the man who shrugged casually.

“You owe me a shirt, but you could just have a coffee date with me in compensation.” The man said.

Chan’s eyes grew wider as words failed him, and he knew he should just get out of the shop and run away. The man could be a serial killer for all he knew, or maybe the man was trying to embarrass him by doing something worse but somehow as Chan caught the eyes of the man again, he felt a weird familiar sensation creeping all over him, and deep down, he felt like he somehow have met this man before. His heart was thudding painfully against his ribcage, and he wanted to just soak in the embrace of the man. Something in him was telling him that this handsome man in front of him, was going to change his life. Chan nodded his head slowly, and that was how he found himself sitting with the most handsome man he had ever seen in his lifetime, who he had poured coffee all over, in the corner of a coffee shop, laughing and giggling and acting like they had been soulmates for many lifetimes.

 _Lee Minho._ That was what he said his name was and Lee Minho had the most beautiful laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I hate making minchan suffer, so yeah...a more hopeful epilogue where it takes place many years later once Chan had joined Minho too. So, it shows they are soulmates and maybe in this lifetime, they won't be suffering <3 To whoever read this, thank you so much <3


End file.
